The Curious Case of Anton Lorien:Patriot, Armed Forces Fanboy, Wannabee Pop Star and Scientologist

23 03 2012

Like many who “get” Twitter I keep an avid interest in who chooses to plug into my ranty funnel of vulgarity, revolution and pop culture trivia. I am intrigued by my followers, my curiosity draws me to find out who they are, what makes them tick and why so many want me to make more money fast or have a free iPad.

On the evening of Thursday 22nd March a Twitter account by the handle of “@WeRTheBrits” decided to follow me. Now, I’m not down with the whole “Nationalism” thing, for me right now there are only two nations; in one corner we have “The Internet” and in the other we have the murky grey horror of “The Real World.”

Not that I have anything against Britland, there are plenty of worse places to have been born in and the land has a certain charm. Plus, until last Tuesday it had a National Health Service which had seen me fine (and once paid for me to have a laser fired up my cock.) But for decades the logo of Britland had been co-opted by the sort of illiterate racist EDL nutjobs who talk of  Muslims and their “Ray Guns”. Seeing as @WeRTheBrits is so fond of that symbol I had to use my internet powers to check them out.

Twitter page of @WeRTheBrits

Thankfully there wasn’t anything racial on We Are The Brits’ twitter stream.There was however, a lot of promotion about a video on Youtube called “We Are The Brits” a charity single created (in the same way Cthulhu “created” his hellish star-spawn) by a character who calls himself Anton Lorien

WARNING: I’ve not watched this video all the way through, and certainly not with the sound on so there might be scenes of Royal Weddings, middle class white boy’s attempts at the hip hop and clips of Princess Di healing the sick.

I can only imagine this video is the sort of thing the Government would play on all channels in the event of a nuclear war. Anton Lorien’s strangely chilling blue eyes could be the last thing you see before you’re just a shadow burned into the lounge wall as those Iranian missiles fall upon this green and passive aggressive land.

But hey, who am I judge? The guy just really really likes this country, unless he’s throwing bacon at a mosque he’s not doing any harm is he?

I mean, just because The British Monarchy League have a hard on for him doesn’t make him Margaret Thatcher does it?

British Monarchist League

Someone better tell them about the British Empire and world history since 1945, quick!

(For the record my thoughts on the Monarchy can be read here )

So Anton Lorien might be the poster child for the sort of British Patriotism found in V For Vendetta, at least he isn’t into some kind of creepy cult devised by a madman, eh?

Oh wait, I mentioned Scientology in the title didn’t I?

From this site we start to get a clearer picture of the wacky world of Anton Lorien. It appears that wee Anton is down with the Scientology crowd, that bastion of sanity and openness which has been enticing Hollywood celebrities and the emotionally vulnerable since L Ron quit writing bad stories and instead babbled incoherently while on drugs to a paying audience of fools.
(I know, it’s the sort of life I aspire to but at least my cult would be more fun and have a better story!)

Once you look at the work of the Anons and others who fight Scientology you start to gather all sort of interesting facts about our patriotic crooner. For example, from this website we learn that Anton was responsible for indoctrination a girl called Natalie Milsom who was mentioned in this Daily Telegraph article about new cults and the disastrous affect they have on people. Oh yes, he was also Sacha Baron Cohen’s body double in Borat too.

Yeah I know, it just gets weirder and weirder doesn't it?

So then, this is the kind of freak who follows me on Twitter. A Monarchist Scientologist who makes appalling charity singles to “Support Our Troops” and who knows how he is using that organisation to recruit vulnerable war widows or PTSD soldiers into the welcoming bosom of the Arch-Messiah Hubbard. Fuck knows what other kind of shit he has going on behind those piercing and deeply unsettling eyes of his, I wouldn’t be surprised if he weren’t naked and raving against the hot San Diego sidewalk in a year’s time with a Union Jack shoved up his bleached anus.

I'm not saying it's true but having known someone with NPD I get the same level of creep off Lorien.

So that is my curiosity about my latest Twitter follower satisfied. I say latest follower but after I did a bit of Anon style trolling and posted this…

@WeRTheBrits unfollowed me (boo-hoo.)

A lucky escape?

Why I get embarrassed by our flag and my fellow countrymen in general.

27 05 2010

Many of you on the internet will be aware of the hoo-har about England flags being flown with the upcoming World Cup, a celebration of rampant nationalism that thankfully is contained on a football pitch and not expressed in all those wars we had fun with in the 20th Century.

The Sun, being a foreign owned tabloid whose relationship with the truth is distant and hazy decided to blow a police memo to pub owners in croydon about being wary of ALL football shirted patrons, out of all proportion. Why did they do this? Possibly just to sell papers to a jingoistic public who feel that the  undifinable “englishness” is under threat from some people speaking the language with a bad accent, wearing funny clothes and not indulging in the national pastime of alcohol abuse.

The Sun having no care for race relations decided to paint a merry tale that all England flags would be taken off supporters by force by jack-booted politically correct warriors, thrown into a big pit where immigrants would be allowed to collectively defecate on them for the forseeable future (and then have sex with white and pure British womenfolk presumably to round off a solid day’s sacrilege.)

Cue numerous Facebook groups with disturbingly large followings saying such things as “you like our benefits but you don’t like our Flag?!” or “We can’t wear england shirts? , You can’t wear you’re turban 🙂(apologies if I spelt any of that correctly, most of these groups are founded by people with an even poorer grasp of the english language than the immigrants they hate!)

I could go into more detail on this outburst of racism with a thin covering of patriotism but this image hopefully sums up what is another  pathetic chapter in the Rule of the Idiots;

And if you think it was just The Sun responsible for this mess let’s not forget the Daily Mail running a story on a woman who claimed she was thrown off a bus because her spawn was wearing an England shirt and it upset the bus driver. Her name was Samantha Fardon which a quick google search reveals;

……so she is basically a chavvy little liar with a criminal record as long and pathetic as Phil Collins’s solo career (ooooo,topical!)

(With thanks to the Facebook group!/pages/Nobody-is-banning-any-England-shirts-you-gullible-xenophobic-fool/118126444889112 who are going some way to resorting my faith in Humanity.)

So then, this is what being English has come down too. Racism, lies and appalling spelling. Once this nation made things that were the envy of the world, our Scientists were the leaders in most fields, uncovering the secrets of the universe that would last generations. Yes, we had an Empire that spanned the globe and did some appalling things (“potato famine”, the other half of me never forgets!) but while the Empire will always be a grey area morally we did do some good things as well, grand engineering feats that the world could marvel at, a rule of law, systems of governance and we went out in style by defeating Hitler and all that crowd at the price of our morally ambiguous Empire.

But now, what do we have to be proud about? Concorde is dead, our energy is at the mercy of Russia and Opec because we are too pathetic to harness the natural renewable energy at our shores (whatever did happen to the Vespa wind farm factory by the way?) Our scientists flee the country for places where they will get funding and respect, our primary export are criminal financial products built of smoke and mirrors that are responsible for so much misery today and our foreign policy isn’t ours at all but that of our American cousins who for all our arse-kissing see us as nothing more than effete butlers with no will of their own. In effect we are a joke in the eyes of the world.

Oh, and when we do go abroad we behave like this clown here, facing trial in Thailand;

So if this what being English is all about; a nation of small-minded bigots easy fooled by tabloid hysteria and who can barely spell the language they profess to be defending against foreign hordes, a nation who would rather be estate agents and investment bankers than uncover the secrets of the universe for the good of all Humanity, a nation of drunken thugs who pick a fight in a foreign country and then burst into tears when it comes to court, a nation of benefit scrounging liars who use their children to get the things in life they can’t be bothered to work for then excuse me if I get embarassed to fly a flag that represents these fucktards.

The thing is we do have plenty to be proud about, a quick look at the 100 Greatest Britions (cunts like Cromwell and Enoch Powell aside) shows that as a nation we can do great things. We’ve just forgotten how to right now. When we do get our dignity, vision and intellectual prowess back I may fly that flag again. Chances are I will have long left the country (and hopefully the planet) by then…..