Paul McCartney is interviewed by 6 Music

25 07 2012
Paul McCartney speaks to 6 Music

Paul McCartney speaks to 6 Music (from behind a silk screen so no-one gazes upon his Imperial visage)

“I was thinking as I looked across my lavish country estate, where the unicorns and dodos I had especially created for me roam free and out of sight of the hoi polloi…… why I don’t I go back to my old blues roots…y’know back before we went to Hamburg after John kicked that tramp to death?

  Then I thought, ‘even better idea Paul, why not charge the peasants £20 for the privilege?’ so I did. Then I had another good idea,y’know…and that was if anyone pirated my album across these new computer networks I read about in meedja I would have them fed to my dragons, bedebedo. Then Ringo ran me up from the scullery and said the quails eggs from Eric Clapton’s farm had arrived. It was time for tea!”

In response to “50 Shades Of Grey..”

9 07 2012

Someday I shall write a story about two people who go on erotic and romantic journey together in the far future which transcends traditional gender roles and partly exists in a digital universe where wild and implausible sexual acts are possible but also addresses the hilarity and pain of an internet relationship.

It will involve a rebellion of sexbots, sentient dildos, a colony of post-sexual bonobo chimps battling a near god-like AI who decides to develop the libido of a horny teenage human and expresses that sexuality with a fleet of phallic starships.

It will feature weird alien sex parties, aliens making fun of weird human sex parties and sexless AI’s making fun of the antics of meatbags (while obsessing over mathematical porn.).

In the end the two main characters won’t marry and breed, they’ll realise that after light years of adventures together they’ve grown into different people and agree to part company but always keep in touch and have a special place in their cyborg hearts for each other.

Neither one of them will “own” the other whether financially or emotionally but complement each other, they will be two different people on the surface but deep down have a connection verging on telepathy.

There will be no sparkly vampires, no age difference which verges on the creepy even though their chronological ages might be centuries apart and both characters will learn and develop as fully rounded people.

Both men and women, straight and LGBT will be able to read it. It will look to the future rather than wallow in the past.

This will only be written once a legal combination of Ketamine, MDMA and Viagra becomes available.

— Laz xxx