MY experience of Radiohead playing at Glastonbury is way better than YOUR experience….

30 06 2011

Don’t give me all that shit about Radiohead playing back in the 90s and how it was the most special moment of your life. Fuck it!
How many of you were there? Like a million or something.
When I saw Radiohead play at Glastonbury there were only like a 100 people there and it wasn’t even at the fucking Park stage (you loser) because my bro Toby got us into this secret gig you never heard about backstage and it was like fucking beautiful man.
And when they played Karma Police it was like just for me and my crowd, Toby, Amelia, Oscar, Rupert, Billy Who Doesn’t Like Humus, Tabitha and Boris and it was So Fucking Special and Zane Lowe was there with his bitches and he just looked at me and we both fucking knew and then Radiohead did “No Surprises” but they did a version you’ll never hear done on a harp made of human body parts and Thom Yorke’s wonky goblin eye looked at me and it was the most beautiful thing in the world and right there I gave birth to a Starchild (shutup!) who will save us all but you’ll never Fucking know because you were probably watching the Wombles or some shit…..

How to tie your shoes, and why human nature rarely brings out the best in things.

7 06 2011

TED Talks \”How to tie your shoes.\”

The way human society seems to work at first people will laugh at him and his bizarre new ideas on shoe tying, then there will be angry calls in the right wing media to “ban this filth” and made up stories of children tying up their shoes in this better way but caught in a bizarre and deadly accident involving shoes and a railway track.
Then, this form of shoe tying will be banned and a special government agency set up to arrest anyone caught wearing shoes tied in this “dangerous fashion.” Politicans will be elected on how tough they are on the “Shoe Tie Issue” and contracts will be given out to private companies to monitor and enforce compliance with the new laws.
By then there will be so much money invested in keeping everyone using the less efficient form of shoe tying and the public will be so afraid of doing anything differently that the only people calling for some sanity on the issue will be on the internet.
And so it goes…..